


The Freezing Moon Will Obsess You

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Mayhem (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:08:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29033676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Per found his hunting knife underneath the mattress, its blade cold to the touch when he lightly pressed his finger against the edge. He sighed. Per stood and walked away, out of his room and into the hallway.
Relationships: Euronymous | Øystein Aarseth/Dead | Per Yngve Ohlin
Kudos: 8





	The Freezing Moon Will Obsess You

" _Self-aborbed fucking freak! Nobody will love you, Pelle. I just felt sorry for you."_

Per found his hunting knife underneath the mattress, its blade cold to the touch when he lightly pressed his finger against the edge. He sighed. Per stood and walked away, out of his room and into the hallway. 

The shotgun sat resting against the wall. It looked strangely inviting, and Per grabbed it. The weight was heavy to Per's malnourished muscles, but he hitched it up against his shoulder and walked back into his bedroom. Per locked the door, deciding that it didn't matter in the end, but it would give him a moment of privacy, anyways. 

Sitting down on the floor, legs crossed and with the chilly air making his lungs burn, Per set the shotgun down beside his legs and looked at his arm. It was riddled with scars and new cuts. Per tilted his head. He raised the knife and his arm at the same time, and dragged the knife against the length of his arm. 

Blood and pain blossomed. The blood dripped onto the wooden floor, and Per shivered. The blood should've looked red, but it was black. He raised the other arm, and dragged the blade across his skin. The pain was sharper this time, and it nearly made Per drop the knife, but he didn't. 

For a moment, Per looked at the bloodied knife, and then he looked at his arms, ripped open by the blade. He could see his bone, pearly white. Per frowned and prodded at a long, stringy sort of liquid that stretched from one flap of skin to the other. Per knew it was a vein. He tilted his head, and remembered how Øystein had said he'd always looked like a curious puppy when he did that. 

Per raised the knife, tilted his head back, pressed the blade against the fleshy side of his throat and then dragged it across, quickly and abruptly. The pain was an interesting mixture of burning and sharpness, and Per gasped. He dropped the knife, and it clattered against the ground. 

Sitting there, Per blinked, and then he felt a terrible burning pain in his throat, as if he were sick but much, much worse. He gagged, and blood spilt down from his lips, onto his shirt. It was a pain worse than words. Per left the knife where it was and stumbled clumsily to his feet. 

On the desk, there was a half-finished letter. Per sat down, grasping his pen with numb fingers. The cold air was already beginning to act as a sort of gauze to his wounds on his arms, just as it always did. Per felt numb to the mental pain and turmoil within his mind as he finished the letter that he'd begun seventeen years ago, and it felt cathartic in a strange way. 

Per's vision was hazy, and he gagged again, pressing one hand against his throat to stem the blood flow as he finished writing. He couldn't think straight, and blood spilled down onto the white paper. He stood up, and the chair screeched against the tile. Per fell to the ground. His muscles felt weak. 

Lazily, Per crawled toward the bed. He fell clumsily against the mattress, leaned down, and managed to grab the gun. He blinked and darkness closed in on him. 

The pain was fading away. Per propped the gun against his legs, leaned against the barrel. He thought about Øystein, and wondered what he would do when he discovered this mess. Per tried to breathe but he ended up coughing, blood splattering onto the floor. 

' _And I'm going home.'_ Per shut his eyes. He pressed down on the trigger. 

It all faded away in a flash of light. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.


End file.
